Monday, 15 February 2010

The Porcelain Doll


   
He was preparing some monstrously indulgent breakfast as I sat picking at a slice of dry ginger cake, whilst my feverish mind recounted the night before. 

“It’s valentine’s day” he eagerly reminded me, perhaps hoping to provoke a reaction.


I couldn’t react even if I wanted to. I was paralyzed and poisoned, my throat swelling and starving my lungs of air, as I thought of The Porcelain Doll. Every synapse seemed to be under siege by luscious portraits of her. This was not a feeling that made me inclined to buy roses, or perfume, but to slip out into the night and search every inch of the Earth to find her, and collide with her in some nuclear reaction, in which we fused into a writhing and pulsating ball of energy and flame. Each second that our flesh wasn’t entwined was like an insult, an unnecessary dilution of my life, and one in which I considered death as a preferable alternative to existing without that ghostly ceramic skin at my fingertips. 


“ I’ve bought Michelle some chocolates, you know? A card too. And I’ve got to cook for her later, so can you make yourself scarce for a few hours?” he chimed.


What I wouldn’t give to be so easily pleased. If only I could operate on some uber-functional level in which I just celebrated love on one day a year and took it for granted the rest, instead of being pursued and terrorised at every moment, knowing she is somewhere where I am not, and that a minute I could have spent worshipping at her vivacious altar had been wasted on merely imagining it.
Still, at least I never found myself panic buying confectionary from a petrol station...



I found this short piece last week, and toyed with the idea of adapting it into a topical St Valentines Day post after seeing a man angrily stomping around the local convenience shop, trying to find a cheap box of chocolates. I had originally written it about 9 months ago, and like a little baby it seemed ripe for the world. 

Sometimes you struggle for inspiration, and you chase shadows looking for something to express. I heard that the actor Harry Dean Stanton has the words "Be Still and know..." written above his fireplace, and that is something I'm beginning to understand more and more in terms of why we often have the desire to express, but only sometimes the clarity to do it.

©2010 Copyright Daniel J. Fiasco

38 comments:

  1. 旁觀自己的悲傷是解脫,主觀自己的悲傷是更加悲傷 ..................................................

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  2. Beauty, unaccompanied by virtue, is as a flower without perfume..............................................

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  3. 只有尋常才幹,但具有不尋常恆心的人,一切皆可獲取..............................

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  4. 當一個人內心能容納兩樣相互衝突的東西,這個人便開始變得有價值了。............................................................

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  5. 向著星球長驅直進的人,反比踟躕在峽路上的人,更容易達到目的。............................................................

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  6. 快樂與滿足的秘訣,就在全心全意投注於現在的每一分,每一秒上..................................................

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  7. 當你真心渴望某一樣東西,整個宇宙都會聯合起來幫助你。..................................................

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  8. 知識可以傳授,智慧卻不行。每個人必須成為他自己。. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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  9. 好的開始並不代表會成功,壞的開始並不代表是失敗............................................................

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  10. 不論做什麼事,相信自己,別讓別人的一句話,把你擊倒。..................................................

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  11. 愛,拆開來是心和受兩個字。用心去接受對方的一切,用心去愛對方的所有。......................................................................

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  12. 果然很有意思呀....這當然要頂一頂呀 ̄﹏ ̄......................................................

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